


find me in the afterglow

by byunderella



Category: Produce 101 (TV), To The Moon (Video Game), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 2park play a very big part in the story bc they're basically he storytellers for jinhwi, Angst, Finding Paradise AU, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Memories, Memory Alteration, Romance, Science Fiction, Time Travel, To the Moon AU, honestly kinda really scared that no one will read this lmao, in any case its based off of these video games, in other words the story takes place in jihoons pov but the main focus is jinhwi, jinhwi, pls dont let this tag scare you away
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 17:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byunderella/pseuds/byunderella
Summary: Jinyoung tears out the pages of doubt and crosses out the words of fear. This love has no time to wait and he's always known that Daehwi was the end of his lifelong search.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi friends, it's been a while since i've done anything as byunderella, wow. i've had this fic (mostly) outlined and planned, sitting in my docs for a long time and figured that it's finally time for me to jump into the jinhwi tag (with angst are u kidding me trin)(yes i know im sorry) forgive me for being so rusty hhhh
> 
>    
> this story _is_ based off of a video game + its sequel that i adore (To the Moon  & Finding Paradise) but if you haven't played it or even heard of it you don't have to worry too much because i'll do my best to explain the concepts you need to know as well as i can. other than that, all you need to do is read!! this chapter is a lot shorter than i wanted it to be, but i plan for the next ones to be longer, so hopefully i come through with that.
> 
>  
> 
> i also wanted to dedicate my first jinhwi fic to Chi (@hwiinlove on twitter i believe) because she's always been so supportive of everything i write and i can't thank her enough for being one of my biggest drives and motivations to keep writing ♡

 

 

 

_why are the best places_

_always so hard to get to?_

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

There are countless things that Jihoon believes he’s in control of. One in particular being his emotions; in all of his years working at Sigmund Corporation, he likes to think he’s been able to execute the details of his contract almost perfectly, leaving little room for personal feelings to get in the way of finishing his job. But if there’s one thing that overlooks his authority in favor of provoking that very thing that Jihoon prides himself over being in most control of, it’s a certain Park Woojin.

 

He had been assigned Woojin as a partner two years back, under the orders of his boss, Yoon Jisung (who, even though Jihoon respected and liked him very much, sometimes doubted his judgment of people because he was just a _little_ too optimistic and trusting). It’s not often that someone can push his buttons just mere seconds into a first meeting; it’s even more rare that he’s able to _despise_ someone after a few seconds of knowing them. But Woojin has always been somewhat of an unexplained being to him (at one point he was sure that he wasn’t from Earth), and that’s exactly what makes him something that Jihoon is unable to have control over.

 

“God, Woojin. This is why I said we shouldn’t let you drive!” Jihoon curses, running his hands through his brown locks in frustration after slamming the car door shut. Not one. Not one day had Jihoon been able to have a normal start to his day when Woojin was there. It’s just fact that normal with Park Woojin is impossible.

 

“Oh, come on. I didn’t even hit the tree!”

 

“Yeah, you dodged it and ran into the _fence post_ instead!” He gestures wildly to the knocked over fence, lying under the bottom of the company car along with the scratches on the front of it. If Jisung was being tolerant of them before, they’re definitely getting fired once they get back from this appointment.

 

“It’s fine, we’re good.” Woojin assures him, with that placid expression on his face that infuriates him to no end. _It’s fine we’re good my ass_ , Jihoon thinks. Those phrases didn’t belong in Jihoon’s life, not anymore. “I’ll just.. tell Jisung we avoided the tree in order to save a cat.”

 

“Is he _even_ a cat person?”

 

“How can he not be when Daniel brings his cats to work every day? Even if we’re not cat people, _we’re cat people_.”

 

Jihoon exhales harshly, rounding the back of the car and opening the door to the backseat, “Whatever, we’ll deal with this later. Come on, get the machine and let’s go.”

 

Woojin makes a face, taking a step back and crossing his arms over his chest. “Why do I have to carry this heavy thing all the time? Why can’t you do it?”

 

“Because the last time I offered, you told me I was too weak to do it and said to ‘ _let the well-built man handle it’_.” Jihoon reminds him with an eye-roll. Woojin doesn’t even deny it, instead, he just _snorts_. “Is this amusing to you?”

 

The twitches at the corners of Woojin’s mouth trying to keep from lifing up into a grin only further aggravate Jihoon, “Just a little.”

 

Woojin isn’t fast enough to dodge the punch Jihoon makes to his shoulder, which makes him feel only _slightly_ better, “Just grab the damn thing and go.”

 

The house of their latest client is located some good ways away from the city, surrounded by towering trees, beds of magnolias and mimosas, and a calm stillness in the air. The two of them traipse through the tall grass towards the small, serene house that stands on the hill above them. “Must be nice to live here, with all the peace and quiet.” Jihoon murmurs, looking over the area in envy. He had always been a city kid, but he adored the beauty of nature even then. His parents would take him up to their cottage during the summer, and he’d spend his days playing around in the fields and trees, free and relaxed, even if he was all by himself. A small part of him hopes that Jinyoung hadn’t spent his time in this secluded place alone.

 

“You _would_ live here, like the loner you are.” Jihoon punches Woojin in the shoulder for the second time today in what feels like only a thirty second interval, to which the younger stumbles over his feet trying to steady his balance while carrying the heavy machine in his hands. “Whoa, watch it! What if I got crushed under this thing?”

 

“Then I’d get a new partner and life would be great.” Jihoon retorts with rigid smile. He had been with the company for almost six years—he thought that by now he would have seen everything. Working for the company itself was already an accomplishment towards uncovering the concealed secrets of the government and the various advanced technologies they possess (not that he was actually working towards uncovering anything per se; the important thing was that he did the job and that he did it well enough to be able to keep himself on his feet.) But it’s difficult to do a good job when you come across a person with such a horrible work ethic and lack of professionality. And sure, most of the time Woojin proved to be decent at his job when it came down to the nitty gritty, but all of that is constantly overshadowed by the main fact of the matter—he’s indisputably a pain in the ass.

 

Almost immediately after they reach the front door, it opens up as if someone had been waiting for them by the window, revealing a tall, handsome man greeting them politely. “Hi, you must be from Sigmund Corp. I’m Jinyoung’s cousin, Seongwoo.” The man greets Jihoon with a handshake, and then awkwardly retracts his hand when Woojin gives him a tight-lipped smile, gesturing to the large device in his arms. “Ah, you should come in quickly and put that down, looks heavy.”

 

Woojin turns his head towards Jihoon, casting him a look, “See? _He_ gets it.”

 

Seongwoo leads them upstairs to the bedroom, where Jinyoung is lying down with a machine and an oxygen mask connected to him. “The medical doctor is just handling some business on the phone down the hall, he’ll be here in a few minutes.”

 

Jihoon can practically see the exhaustion seeping through the older man’s bones. Seongwoo didn’t look much older than Jinyoung but he sure did act like it, by the way he slumped his shoulders to the extent of the dark circles under his eyes. It’s clear he’s been spending his days taking care of Jinyoung, maybe even so much that he couldn't find the time to care for himself. Jihoon had yet to experience a loss that hit this close to home; he can only imagine the torment Seongwoo has been going through, watching a close family member hanging onto life by a thread. And not to mention how young Jinyoung still is, a still unseasoned thirty-five, that kind anguish would be unthinkable.

 

While Woojin sets up the machine, Jihoon asks Seongwoo for permission to look around the house for a bit, to get at least a small grasp of Jinyoung’s life. Jihoon liked to know a bit about his clients before his procedures—it was easy to get caught up only in the things you see, that you end up forgetting or even overlooking the little details that end up making the most significant changes in the way they could interpret the memories. He’s made plenty of mistakes throughout the course of this profession, and he doesn’t plan on making them again. He found joy in the ability to make their clients’ last few moments filled with the best memories possible, and that not only required traversing through the distinct and tangible recollections, but also being able to find the obscured facets that also played into a sufficient understanding of their client and their wish in order to be successful in their mission.

 

Though that didn’t mean there weren’t rules to be abided by; even with the ability to enter memories and create the artificial ones, they couldn’t actually generate memories manually. They aren’t allowed to send a different desire to grant a different wish just because they think it would be better for them, that isn’t their job. Their job is to work towards the dream their client specifically tells them, whether or not the story behind it goes deeper than that. So he doesn’t allow himself to stay in a memory any longer than he needs to, in order to lessen the chance of attachment. If Jihoon were to let his emotions influence him, he’s not sure what lengths he’d go to (not to mention breaking the rules of the contract) just to make a dying person’s last moments happy.

 

Jihoon treads down the stairs, taking a moment to appreciate the vintage semblance of the place. It’s not like many of the modern homes he’s used to seeing; it’s decorated with various mahogany furniture, walls donned with a teal and gold wallpaper. There’s a fireplace on the far left of the living room (not electric, Jihoon notes), with latrice blue velvet sofas surrounding it. It reminds him a lot of his old cottage, though a lot more lavish and elegant. It’s oddly timeless; an interior one would expect to see just by looking at the outside of the house and still be intrigued by even amidst the rest of the modernized world. Along the wall above the fireplace are various picture frames, some with Jinyoung and his family, as well as one picture with a cheerful brunette with his arms around Jinyoung’s waist. He feels slightly comforted to see that Jinyoung did seem to have some important people in his life, even if he was so far away from everything else.

 

The relief is only momentary though, as he comes to realize the only person here today to be next to him during his last few moments is Seongwoo. It leads him to wonder where the people in these pictures were—were they still apart of Jinyoung’s life? Or did coming up here cause him to cut off contact with the rest of the world? Surely they would have been here to send him off, even if it _was_ tough to come to terms with it. If Jinyoung did end up pushing all of the people in his life away, had he done it for his sake or for theirs? Before Jihoon’s thoughts can delve deeper into the idea of solitude, he hears Seongwoo calling him from the top of the stairs. “Hey, Dr. Park? Mind if I have a word with you?”

 

When Jihoon makes his way back upstairs, Seongwoo leads him towards the window. “If you don’t mind me asking, what exactly is it that you guys do? Jinyoung never really mentioned the details to me.”

 

Jihoon concedes, having had this conversation with plenty of family members of his clients, “Well, we’re memory traversal specialists. Using this machine, we’re able to enter Jinyoung’s memories.” Seongwoo’s eyes widen at that, a reaction which Jihoon is also quite used to, “I’m sure he’s mentioned to you something about a last wish?”

 

Seongwoo nods, “Yeah, well, kind of. A few days ago he was talking to me about wanting to change his past, to do things differently.”

 

“That’s exactly what we do.” Jihoon says, “We take a dying person’s last wish and transfer that desire to their earliest possible memory, and make it so that he consciously remembers his life with that particular wish put into action. With both the technology and the ability for his brain to logically alter his memories spanning his whole lifetime, he’ll be able to fulfill his wish, even if only in his mind.”

 

“And that’s really possible?” Seongwoo questions, “You can actually give him anything he wants? By replacing his actual memories with new ones?”

 

The two of them are interrupted by an unfamiliar voice, “Sorry I’m late,” The man walks into the room, holding a hand out to Jihoon, “I’m Hwang Minhyun, Jinyoung’s doctor.”

 

Jihoon shakes his hand, “Nice to meet you, Doctor Hwang. I’m Park Jihoon.”

 

Minhyun smiles, “Please, call me Minhyun.” Minhyun hands him a small device—the screen is green with a heart rate monitor. “You’ll need this when you’re in there. If it turns red, you’ll want to get out as quickly as you can. I’ll do my best to keep him stable in the meantime.”

 

Jihoon walks over to Woojin, who’s seated at the far end of the room next to a table. “You done setting up?”

 

“Yeah, we should be good to go in.” Woojin confirms, handing over a helmet. Jihoon grabs his, placing it on the recliner just left of the machine. “So, do either of you know what his actual wish is?”

 

Seongwoo shakes his head apologetically, “No, I’m sorry. He told me he was a little embarrassed to tell me so he’d just let you two know when you enter his memories. You can do that, right?”

 

“Yes.” Jihoon confirms, “We’ll visit him in his last accessible memory, he’s the only form that we’ll be able to communicate with. He should be able to tell us what he wants us to do there, hopefully.”  

 

“Alright, well,” Seongwoo looks over his cousin nervously, “Good luck in there, be careful.”

 

Jihoon takes a seat in the recliner, slipping on his helmet, as his reality distorts into Jinyoung’s.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**_26 January, 2035_ **

**_Patient: Bae Jinyoung_ **

**_Condition: Stable_ **

 

 

There’s a flash of colors than Jihoon can never really get used to as he’s spiralling out of his reality and into the world seen through Jinyoung’s eyes. He blinks thrice, regaining his vision as the same bedroom comes into his sight, Woojin appearing by his side. “Alright, this should be Jinyoung’s last accessible memory.”

 

“Yeah,” Woojin looks around the room, peering out the window, “Hey, I think he’s on the balcony.” A conscious Jinyoung has his hands stuffed into his pocket, leaning against the railing of the balcony and looking over the many hills behind his house. “Turn on entity-interaction.”

 

Jihoon approaches Jinyoung carefully, as to not startle him. He knocks on the glass door softly. “Excuse me, Mr. Bae?” Jinyoung turns around curiously. He doesn't look too different from when they had last seen him—Jihoon figures this must be a few days or weeks prior to their arrival, just before he’d fallen unconscious. “Sorry to interrupt you, but I’m Park Jihoon, a memory traversal specialist from Sigmund Corp. And this is—“

 

“Dr. Kim.” Woojin interjects, “Jonathan Kim.”

 

Jihoon sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Actually he’s—“

 

“Dr. Park, as well. Park Woojin.” Jinyoung finishes for him, and Woojin’s jaw drops in shock.

 

“How did you know that?”

 

Jinyoung points at his coat, “Your name tag.”

 

Woojin looks down at his outfit, mouth slacking dumbly, “Oh.”

 

Jinyoung glances between both of them, with an analytical glint in his eyes, “This isn’t what it looks to be, is it?”

 

Jihoon is a little taken aback by Jinyoung’s ability to catch onto the situation, one that would be considered a little bizarre to anyone else. He nods slowly, “…Yes. Your procedure has started. We don’t have a lot of time, so we’re here to ask you personally what your last wish is. You’re the only reliable version of Jinyoung that we can interact with, I hope you can assist us in completing this mission.”

 

“Of course,” Jinyoung agrees, holding his hands behind his back, “It’s a bit of a weird wish, to be honest.” He pauses momentarily, pressing his lips together, “I’d like to go to law school.” Woojin snorts almost instinctively and Jihoon has to elbow him in the ribs for being insensitive. Jinyoung, however, isn’t surprised by the reaction, even chuckling himself, “I know, it sounds pretty boring. But I hope you can make it happen. And if you have the time, could you explain to me how this whole thing works?”

 

“Well, it’s mostly the machine that does the work,” Jihoon responds to the question naturally, “It calculates various possibilities, and then creates a new illusion of life in the form of memories. And to you, it will be like they were your own memories. But for it to work, it needs a starting point and a key variable.”

 

Woojin picks up the explanation from there, “We travel through your memories from the latest to the earliest we need, drawing a line from now to then. And then we would be able to transfer your motivation to your past, and in your case, it’s the desire to go to law school. So, in a stimulated re-run of your life, you’ll be able to fulfill your wish.”

 

Jinyoung furrows his brows, taking in the information thoughtfully, “Interesting.. I’d think that fulfilling a wish would take more than just effort and a second chance. But it’s not guaranteed that it’ll actually happen, is it?”

 

Woojin shakes his head, “No, it isn’t.”

 

“Can’t you just make it happen?” Jinyoung questions reasonably. Jihoon catches a trace of hope and maybe even a tinge of desperation laced into his words.

 

“Well, the world still needs to be coherent, “Jihoon clarifies, running a hand along the railing, “So all we can do is influence you and believe that your willpower is enough to finish the job.”

 

“And you think it is?”

 

“Since it’s a stimulation based on the mental state of a single moment, stretched throughout a lifetime, I’d say it’s some powerful shit.” Woojin admits genuinely, and the hope in Jinyoung’s eyes grows.  

 

“We need to find mementos to jump to other memories, and break them with energy orbs from other significant objects. The memento is an item that is of a strong enough importance to you, that could possibly connect one memory with another. Do you have one here you think we could use?”

 

Jinyoung thinks for a bit, and then pulls out a folded piece of fabric from out of his pocket and hands it to Jihoon, “I think this may do the job.”

 

Jihoon takes the piece of fabric, then pauses the memory, freezing Jinyoung on the spot. “It’s a handkerchief, and it’s a memento alright.” He gestures to the faint glowing of the fabric between his fingers.

 

“Okay, is it just me or is this guy a little odd?”  Woojin offers as Jihoon prepares the memento for jumping, “He could ask for literally anything, he could go to the _moon_ for Christ’s sake. But he wants to relive his life as a _lawyer_?”

 

“Or a prosecutor.” Jihoon adds simply, paying no mind to the rest of Woojin’s criticism.

 

“Still, it’s just... really dull. These are the last things he’s going to remember before he dies, why not make it worth the while?” Woojin peers into the bedroom, “I mean, look at this place. He’s a dying man and there’s only two people at his bedside right now, one of which is his _doctor_. He should use this as a chance to form relationships, not busy himself away from them with _school_.”

 

“It’s not our place to judge their wishes, Woojin.” Jihoon reminds him sternly, “We’re only here to grant them.” He claps his hands together, watching as a faint transparent sphere forms around the handkerchief, then shatters by itself, “This is a recent memory so it breaks by itself. I guess we’re good to go then.”

 

Woojin exhales defeatedly, “Alright, sweet, let’s move.”

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**_13 November, 2034_ **

**_Patient: Bae Jinyoung_ **

**_Condition: Stable_ **

 

 

They land near what Jihoon makes out to be a lighthouse, shoes digging into the damp ground amidst a light drizzle and a sky of grey clouds. Jihoon misses the ocean—the natural hum of the calm waves crashing onto the shore, the ocean blues he’d seen were always so vibrant, a shade that no other blue could quite compare to.

 

Except in here, the electrifying feeling is gone. There’s no vivid cerulean against an azure sky, just dull greens on top of flatter greys. It’s so ordinary, so _dreary_ that a part of the memories he cherished about the place start to crumble.

 

He finds the first Jinyoung of the memory seated at a bench two or so meters away from them with Seongwoo by his side, both looking out towards the water. “It’s a shame I was only able to meet him maybe twice at most,” Seongwoo speaks up, “Even with only those two meetings he was still able to make such a great impression.”

 

Jihoon sees a small tug at the corner of Jinyoung’s mouth, “Yeah, Daehwi was loved everywhere he went.”

 

“Do you recall anything about a Daehwi?” Jihoon turns to Woojin, who looks stumped at first. But a few moments later a lightbulb switches on behind his eyes, “Oh! I think I remember the name now. While Sungwoon was doing the paperwork—“

 

Jihoon stops him, face scrunched up, “Wha—you made Sungwoon do the paperwork for you?”

 

“I was busy!” Woojin shouts back defensively, continuing in spite of the glare he casts him, “Anyways, he told me he had a fiancé, and I think his name was Daehwi. He passed away some time in the last few years, I can’t remember exactly when, but Jinyoung has been having a hard time ever since.”

 

“Wow.. they were both so young..” Jihoon mumbles, mouth twisting in sympathy. He starts to understand why the usual prismatic beauty of the sunrise along the ocean came to be this lacking of clarity.

 

“He was always super talkative, maybe even a little too much at times.” Jinyoung continues, “Our personalities clashed often, I’m not even sure how we managed to stay friends for so long. Daehwi was nothing if not understanding, though. Even if we were different he wouldn’t let that stop him from hanging out with me. He wasn’t so much for waiting on fate than he was going out and making it happen himself.”

 

“I started to see it in you too, you know.” Seongwoo adds in thoughtfully, further explaining when Jinyoung raises a questioning brow, “His eagerness to write his story himself, you adopted that mindset too.”

 

“To think I was the complete opposite when I first met him.” Jinyoung allows himself to chuckle softly, “I hated the thought of getting up off of my butt and actually doing something about my life. Until him. Sometimes I’m thankful he taught me all the things I did, showed me the things I couldn’t see.” He pauses, eyes training themselves back on the crashing waters below. “But sometimes… sometimes I wish I hadn’t met him.”

 

The memory ends there, with Jihoon and Woojin exchanging perplexed glances. “What does he mean he wishes he hadn’t met him?”

 

“Man, I don’t even know this Daehwi guy and I’m upset for him.” Woojin grumbles, stepping away from the bench and into the field behind them. “Let’s keep going, there should be something else over here.”

 

Jihoon finds Jinyoung in the second part of the memory just off to the side of the lighthouse that stood over the waters. When he gets closer he sees the black-haired man looming over what looks to be a gravestone. And he’d known they were bound to come across a memory like this at some point, but he’s never prepared for ache that comes with it. “Hey, how are you doing?” Jinyoung starts off quietly, the shakiness of his voice is discernible. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve been doing okay, but nothing’s really been the same since you left.”

 

Jihoon understands that this must be Daehwi's grave, though he's not too sure why it stands alone on the side of an abandoned lighthouse. 

 

“I started talking to myself a lot lately,” Jinyoung’s voice brings them both out of their thoughts. They both lapse into a silence, out of respect for the one that they hadn’t known but still felt remorseful for. It’s not like they could feel the pain of not being able to breathe properly in this world, but somehow Jihoon still feels the encompassing thickness of the air blocking his airways, mimicking Jinyoung’s current suffocation. “Sometimes I wait for responses because I’m so used to you being there. But you’re gone now…” Jihoon hears Woojin inhale sharply, sees him kicking the dirt ground beneath his black shoes. Even when they’re far from the railings, it feels like he’s one misstep away from plummeting into dark, dismal waters. It was always tough to witness these kind of memories. He knows it’s particularly hard for Woojin in that he’s actually experienced this kind of loss before. If there was one thing Woojin had that Jihoon envied, it was that he had so much more loved ones to care about. But at times like these, all it does is scare you into thinking that one day, these murky depths will too pull them down into its frigid, unrelenting grip. And Jihoon comes to the conclusion that ultimately, the less you have to lose, the less you have to fear. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you, or keep my promise for the life I was supposed to give you. I should have done better... you deserved so much more than me…”

 

“I can’t take this,” Woojin finally whispers as Jinyoung brings his hands up to his face and lets his tears fall. “Let’s collect the energy, look for the memento and get out of this memory.”

 

Jihoon nods and proceeds to scan the area, unsure of where to search first. At first, he tries to keep his eyes off of the grieving Jinyoung and away from his muffled sobs, but then he notices him pulling a red book out of his bag, the item giving out a dim gleam. Jihoon grabs onto Woojin’s arm, pointing to the book, “I think I found it.”

 

Woojin pauses the memory, grabbing the book from off of the stone and flipping through it curiously. “Um, there’s nothing in here.” Jihoon lifts a brow, moving closer to look at the book. Just as Woojin said, the book is filled with blank pages that look like they’ve been used but couldn't have been. There’s no ink scribbles and no pencil marks, neither visible nor faded. Woojin picks up a stray piece of paper that falls to the ground, pocketing it. “Guess we don't really have time to question it anyways, the book gave us both of the energy orbs.” Woojin holds the red and blue glowing orbs in his hand, placing the book now surrounded by a transparent sphere onto the gravestone, and shattering it with the orbs, “Alright, let’s get out of here.”

 

Jihoon bites his lip, “One step closer to meeting him, hey?” He gestures with his head towards the gravestone.

 

Woojin glances towards the despondent sight once again, cracking his knuckles underneath his long coat sleeves.  “Yeah..”

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**_2 February, 2009_**

**_Patient: Bae Jinyoung_ **

**_Condition: Stable_ **

 

 

Jihoon’s climb to consciousness is a slow process, like wading through thick walls of molasses. He feels a lot more disoriented when they land in the next memory, and his vision is clouded for longer than normal. When he’s finally able to fight through the haze and take in his surroundings, they’re in what looks like a young boy’s room, from the various action figures lining the shelf on the wall—it looks a lot like Jihoon’s room when he was younger, even has some posters of old cartoons and anime hung up. Jihoon circles the small room, finding the empty red journal placed atop the desk at the far end of the room. He picks it up, examining it once again to see if the contents in the book had changed. When he opens up to the first page, he’s surprised to see a visible paragraph written in ink. It’s a little hard to make out from the the messy handwriting, but Jihoon swears he sees _Daehwi_ somewhere among the words. A yellow orb arises from the book, placing itself in Jihoon’s hands.

 

“So, where are we? I don’t recall him having a kid—”

 

“Oh my God.” Woojin breathes out. When they turn around they both look on in disbelief as a young Jinyoung entering the room comes into their sight. He looks like he’s around nine at most, but he _shouldn’t_ be. They shouldn’t be here—they were supposed to travel backwards from the latest memories to the earliest ones. It’s _impossible_ to be where they think they are. Woojin turns to Jihoon with wide-eyes, and Jihoon is just as bewildered. “Did.. we just skip his entire life?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ✎....

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a little explanation if you're confused; the way it works is that the story is supposed to be uncovered backwards, in that we learn about the latest events first and the earliest events last. this story however is inspired more by the sequel (Finding Paradise) in which the order of the events/memories get jumbled up, so we'll be jumping back and forth but hopefully the dates i provide for you will make it so that it isn't _too _confusing to follow (mind you the game's story itself may take a while to fully comprehend and follow but you get there eventually lol)__
> 
>    
> if you read it despite the tags and if you're interested so far and are willing to keep reading, then seriously, thank you for still being here ♡♡ let me know your thoughts in the comments, leave kudos ty friends


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm incredibly sorry for the long wait. i spent most of last month trying to meet the deadline of a fic fest, and i've been in a bit of a slump when it's come to writing lately. but in any case, here's chapter two!

 

 ✎....

 

 

“How is this happening?” Jihoon questions, panic rising in his voice. He’s deliberately quiet, almost afraid to speak too loud. “This isn’t possible we couldn’t have jumped this far!”

 

“Must have been a strong memento.” Woojin mumbles, still in disbelief as both of their eyes follow the young Jinyoung as he walks out onto the balcony of his room.

 

“Did you notice anything wrong with the machine?” He asks the younger, attempting to find any plausible explanation for their current plight. “Are you sure you wired it properly?”

 

“Of course I did!” Woojin argues, though it’s clear to Jihoon that his voice has lost some of its usual edge—there’s a bit of worry laced in the undertones and Jihoon knows that Woojin is just as perturbed. But the younger still tries not to let it show, perhaps as to bring about a sense of normalcy in the midst of whatever the hell was happening with the machine. “I’m the tech specialist here, I know what I’m doing.”

 

“Clearly not if we’ve practically _broken_ time and space.” Jihoon jeers, leaning onto the wall when he feels like he can’t catch his breath. As much as he knows how good Woojin is at his job, the fact that they’re caught up in some sort of time anomaly should be an indication that something is interfering with the traversal, something that could potentially be unsafe. “This could be dangerous, you know. We don’t even know if we’re able to go back to the present.”  

 

“Let’s let the memory play out first. We can figure it out once we’ve gotten the orbs.” Woojin tries to reason but Jihoon can’t help but feel anxious. Every second they spend in the memory there’s a nagging sensation picking at him in the back of his mind, and he can’t quite shake it.

 

Woojin turns to follow Jinyoung out onto the balcony, with Jihoon following reluctantly behind. The young Jinyoung crosses his arms, leaning against the railing of the balcony and looking down at the park. “Man, his parents must have utmost faith in his lack of sleeping-walkingness.” Woojin comments, watching as the boy leans almost dangerously over the railing, saying a few ‘ _hi’s_ ’ to the birds flying just below him.

 

Just then, they hear a loud “ _Hey!_ ” coming from the building across. Jihoon looks up and sees a tiny black-haired boy, maybe around Jinyoung’s age, with his hands waving frantically at Jinyoung. “Whatcha doin’ up there?” Jinyoung looks startled, glancing to his left and right before looking back and the little boy. “Yeah, you! I always see you up there, what do you even look at?”

 

Jinyoung just continues to stare blankly at the other boy, mouth open like he’s about to say something but nothing comes out. The little boy doesn’t give up though, he only continues to speak to him, “So, you got a name?”

 

“…Jinyoung.” He says after a beat of silence, though the other boy doesn’t seem to hear him, because Jinyoung repeats it twice after that, but even then it’s to no avail. “Hold on, I’ll be back!” They follow in confusion as Jinyoung shuffles back into his room, sitting himself at his desk in front of that red journal. He quickly writes his name onto the paper, then rips it out of the journal and folds it into a paper plane, rushing back onto the balcony when it’s done. Jihoon picks up the small green orb that falls from the paper plane as Jinyoung is running back outside. “I wrote stuff on this, try to catch it okay?”

 

“I was just gonna say speak louder but.. okay!” Daehwi chirps.

 

Jinyoung throws the plane, and it gets about two inches far before it flies backwards, right back into his hands. “Uhh, hold on!” He tries again, but it just comes back again, this time, hitting him in the face.

 

As Jinyoung is pulling the piece of paper off of his face, they can hear the other boy’s laughter from the other building, “You can’t throw it against the wind, silly! What did you think was gonna happen?”

 

“Yeah, does this kid not know the laws of physics?”

 

Jihoon sends Woojin a glare, “He’s like nine, dude.”

 

“When I was nine I was getting straight A’s and being scouted by every university in the country.”

 

Jihoon scoffs loudly at the sheer absurdity of the statement. “When you were nine you were probably getting your tongue stuck to poles in the winter.”

 

Jinyoung looks down at his crumpled paper plane and frowns, clearly upset, “I’m going inside.”

 

“Okay, okay, wait, don’t go!” The boy stops laughing, stepping closer to the railing, “Jinyoung, right? I’m Daehwi. I’m a grade lower than you but I go to your school. I see you walk to school in the morning sometimes. Let’s walk to school together next time!”

 

Woojin gasps softly, turning to Jihoon with wide-eyes, “This is Daehwi? As in his future fiancé?”

 

Jihoon nods slowly, in slight awe himself, “They went this far back, huh?”

 

“That’s crazy..” Woojin mutters under his breath, and Jihoon can’t help but think of how much Jinyoung’s and Daehwi’s story amazes the younger, like it’s something he wishes to have but doesn't think it’s attainable. “But we already know the ending to this story…” Jihoon tries to ignore the last part of his sentence, instead focusing on the scene in front of them.

 

Jinyoung blinks, confused, “…Why?”

 

“Cause I like you, silly!” Daehwi replies, smiling brightly, “You’re just the right amount of dumb!”

 

“Lucky him,” Jihoon starts sourly, side-eyeing Woojin, “You’re _too_ much dumb for me to handle.”

 

“Hey, I happen to be the right amount of dumb, too.” Woojin gives back promptly, though the look on his face when he realizes that it wasn’t as crafty of a defense as he had wished for it to be does bring him amusement.

 

“What's that supposed to mean?” Jinyoung responds, looking unsure of whether he should be flattered that Daehwi likes him, or insulted by the latter half of his declaration.

 

“And besides, don’t you know it’s dangerous to walk alone?” Daehwi changes subject, “We go the same route anyways, we should stick together!”

 

“I guess..” Jinyoung mumbles. Their little exchange ends when Daehwi is called inside by his mother.

 

“See you tomorrow, Jinyoung!” He waves before sliding his glass door closed, and Jinyoung moves back into his own room just as a drizzle of rain starts to fall from the sky.

 

Jihoon finds the red journal Jinyoung had forgotten lying on the ground near the potted plant, then moves to crouch down just next to it, examining the thing that had catapulted them all the way here. His brows furrows when he notices something odd about the book, “Hey, Woojin, look at this.” Woojin nears him, eyes following where he’s pointing. “The book.. it’s not getting wet from the rain.”

 

Woojin picks it up to get a closer look, opening the journal up and exhales when the papers stay dry in spite of the rain. “Whoa, this thing is super glitchy.” He puts the journal back down, then stands back up. “Well anyways, we have all of the energy orbs, we should see if we can get out of here now.”

 

“That paper plane he tried to throw earlier started glowing white when he walked back in.” Jihoon notes, pointing to Jinyoung’s desk. “That’s probably our way out of here.”

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

**_12 May, 2030_**

**_Patient: Bae Jinyoung_ **

**_Condition: Stable_ **

 

 

The house is familiar when Jihoon opens his eyes; he recognizes the teal and gold of the large room, along with the royal blue couches.

 

“We jumped all the way back here again.”

 

“This can’t be right.. it’s way too uncharacteristic of the machine.” Jihoon stresses, forehead set into multiple creased lines.

 

There are soft voices coming from the kitchen; Woojin is already headed towards the room, getting slower with every step. Jihoon notices the tension in Woojin’s shoulders as he comes to join up, and when the owners of the voices come into view, he understands why.

 

“I have a lot of regrets, Daehwi..” Jinyoung says apprehensively, his hands tapping idiosyncratically against a booklet lying on the table between them, eyes burning holes into the ground. It’s here that Jihoon catches onto a notable difference between this memory and the previous one. The later memories are a lot more somber, _lifeless_ , compared to the considerably vivid color in his earlier memories. Older Jinyoung is also noticeably darker, with shadows nipping at his heels, a man with the with the weight of the whole world on his shoulders. A blue orb coming up from the booklet floats its way into Woojin’s hands. “I’m not tossing what we have away I just.. I want—”

 

“Better.” Daehwi finishes for him bitterly, eyes falling to the floor.

 

Jinyoung makes no move to deny it, instead continuing with, “And I just think I should be prepared.”

 

Daehwi stays silent for a while, a hint of despondency in his gaze, “…When the time comes, go through with it, then.” Jinyoung looks up at the brunette, whose smile is anything but happy. “But when you do just… make sure to hold onto something from here.”

 

“I’m not going to change you, Daehwi.” Jinyoung assures him.

 

“I know,” Daehwi replies falteringly, “But just in case.”

 

“So Daehwi knew.” Woojin surmises, “I would have thought Jinyoung would make the decision to sign up for our services after Daehwi passed, not while he was still alive. Do you think Jinyoung knew he was going to die? He couldn’t have, right? It wasn’t chronic.”

 

Jihoon shakes his head, “No, I don’t think he knew. I think he just realized that things aren’t set in stone, and anything could happen at any time. It doesn’t sound like Daehwi was too happy about it, though.” Jihoon adds, “Maybe he thinks it could prevent them from meeting? After all, it’s not like he would be able to control what happens after we do this, he wouldn’t know what happened at _all_. The thought of not being remembered by someone you love sounds horrible, even if it’s artificial.”

 

“Yeah, I guess.” Jihoon takes heavy steps back into the living room, noticing the top of the stairs being unobstructed by the machine’s memory-limiting facet. Woojin follows behind him, “Let’s check if there are any other moments in this memory.”

 

They climb the stairs, peering into an open room down the hall. Daehwi and Jinyoung are in what looks to be a small library, lined with shelves filled to the top with books. Jihoon guesses it’s a memory just before the kitchen one. The two of them are standing by the large window at the far right end of the room. “We haven’t been there in a while, hey?”

 

Jinyoung hums, looking out towards the lighthouse not too far away from the house. “Technically we have, just—“

 

“—Not together.” Daehwi finishes, looking up at Jinyoung with a tight-lipped smile.

 

“I don’t go down as often anymore,” Jinyoung tells him, a hint of guilt on his face, “It’s kind of hard to even get myself out of bed most of the time.”

 

“It’s okay,” Daehwi says, grabbing Jinyoung’s hand and gently intertwining their fingers together, “Just because you’re looking at something from afar doesn’t mean you’re admiring it less.”

 

The memory ends on its own, pausing the two standing by the window. Jihoon sees Woojin take a step back, frowning, “This is the last memory with Daehwi in it, isn’t it?”

 

“I guess so.” Jihoon says almost inaudibly, “To think they were probably going through a rough patch not knowing that this would be the last time…”

 

“What are you getting from this ambiguous atmosphere?” Woojin questions him, voice quiet and unsure, “Do you think they were having a fall out before the wedding?”

 

Jihoon shrugs, “It’s normal to be stressed during this time, so it’s possible that there might have been a little quarreling. I don’t think they wanted to call it off though.”

 

Woojin tugs on his sleeve, holding out a hand, “Hey, pass me the rest of the orbs, I prepared the memento a few minutes ago.” He says, gesturing to the gleaming blue bracelet on the desk behind them. It’s a friendship bracelet, the kind kids would make with store-bought packs of strings and beads, with the letters J and D hanging from it.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_29 November, 2013_ **

**_Patient: Bae Jinyoung_ **

**_Condition: Stable_ **

****

****

“Aaand we’re back again.” Jihoon breathes out, catching sight of a teenage Jinyoung immediately. And now he’s even more confused because this is a different memento but it’s still throwing them back into a weird time loop. “That journal wasn’t even the memento this time.”

 

“Guess Jinyoung has kept a lot of things over the years.” Woojin says, holding the memento in between his fingers, but this time there’s another red one on the table beside it, and the J and D are on separate bracelets. “How do you even manage to not lose small things like these?”

 

“Nevermind that,” Jihoon dismisses him, “I think I have the jumping pattern figured out. For the first few memories we jumped backwards normally, and then that red journal slingshotted us all the way back to the earliest accessible memory.” He continues to explain, “After that we jumped back to older age where we were supposed to have jumped after the second one, and then to the earlier ones again, moving forward. These jumps aren’t just a random order, they’re forming—”

 

“A decaying orbit.” Woojin finishes, and Jihoon nods. “Like we’re being pulled in a spiral towards the center. But what do you think is causing it? Some type of traumatic event?”

 

“Maybe, but it could be something else too.” Jihoon concludes. He’s always known memory traversal to be like watching a train-wreck in reverse, now put that on top of spiraling into a black hole and Jihoon feels like _he’s_ the one on his deathbed, heading towards his last moments in someone else’s memories.

 

“What else would be in here but memories?” Woojin questions, disbelieving.

 

“I don’t know,” Jihoon runs a hand through his hair, feeling tense all over again, “But this has never happened before.”

 

“I have a cat to feed.” They hear Jinyoung’s voice interrupt their exchange as he and Daehwi take a seat at their table with their cups of hot chocolate.

 

“Jinyoung, you don’t even have a cat.” Daehwi retaliates, and Jihoon watches as Daehwi discreetly slides the two friendship bracelets off of the table and into his lap. “Why are you in a rush to go home anyways?”

 

“I’m.. I’m not in a rush I’m just, uhhhh…” Jinyoung’s sentence tapers off, as he continues to down his hot chocolate in an attempt to avoid Daehwi’s questioning for whatever reason. He falls into a fit of coughing when he belatedly realizes how hot his drink still is and his face turns bright red as he sticks his tongue out to combat the burn with the cold air. Daehwi stands up in a panic, moving over to pass him his napkins and doesn’t sit down until Jinyoung insists he’s fine.

 

When the situation has calmed down Daehwi raises a brow at the dodgy Jinyoung, a confused expression on his face. “So.. are you gonna finish what you were saying before?”

 

“I just don’t—” Jinyoung’s response is quick to cut off as it was to jump in, “I don’t wanna get in trouble with my dad for being out for so long.”

 

Daehwi’s mouth forms an ‘o’, then slowly transforms into a large grin, and soon he’s throwing his head back in laughter, “Oh my God, you are so precious. Do you have an early curfew or something? It’s only 4 in the afternoon.”

 

“No.” Jinyoung rolls his eyes, letting out another cough, “He just doesn’t like me staying out for too long at a time, I haven’t been able to convince him to loosen up yet.”

 

“Oh, come on. Your dad loves me!” Daehwi exclaims matter-of-factly, flipping back his non-existent long hair, “He wouldn’t get mad at you if _I_ was there.”

 

Jinyoung relaxes slightly, an amused expression on his face, “You’re a little overconfident, aren’t you?”

 

“Nope, just lovable.” Daehwi says with a smile, and Jihoon sees how quickly the happiness radiating off of Daehwi could instantly change Jinyoung.

 

“Okay, I guess I can stay out for a little longer, but just until we finish our drinks.” Jinyoung gives in, “And then maybe we can just hang out at my place if you’re okay with that.”

 

Daehwi gives him a thumbs up and the two of them sit and talk until they’re done.

 

Jinyoung’s apartment isn’t too far from the coffee shop and soon the two teenagers are riding up the elevator to Jinyoung’s place, greeted at the door by Jinyoung’s dad. “Jinyoung, what did I say about staying over for more than three hours?”

 

 

The young boy lets his head fall, kicking at the ground, “Sorry, dad. We got a little distracted.”

 

His father notices Daehwi that second, and his face changes immediately along with his tone, “Oh, Daehwi, how are you?”

 

Daehwi gives him a polite smile, “I’m good, Mr. Bae. Is it okay if I stay here for a little bit? My mom isn’t home yet.”

 

“Of course, come in.”

 

Woojin turns to give him a weird look, “Looks like he favored the friend over his son.”

 

Jihoon and Woojin follow the two into the apartment and into Jinyoung’s bedroom, which has changed quite a bit over the last few years. The room is still a dark blue but it’s a lot less emptier than he remembers. The various posters on the wall are no longer there and in place of the toy box is a shelf full of comic books and novels.

 

The two young boys head out onto the balcony, where Jinyoung drags out two small bean bag chairs for them to sit on. The sky is already quite dark for an early winter night, the air chilly though neither of them seem to mind. For a while the two of them just sit in silence, save for the background noises from the city below. Jihoon wonders what kind of things thirteen year olds dwell on, wonders what _he_ would think about in times of quiet like this when he was this young, what it was like before stress and the constant fear of failure took over.

 

“Are you ever gonna finish telling me that story?” Daehwi starts softly, eyes still focused on the purple sky.

 

“Hm?”

 

“The one about the bird you said you befriended when you were younger.”

 

Jinyoung hums wistfully, “There’s not really anything more to add to what I’ve told you. The bird had a broken wing and I took care of it. The vet tried to take it into her care but at that point I felt too attached and I tried to steal it back.”

 

“Why? You thought you could take better care of it?”

 

Jinyoung shakes his head, biting his lip, “Not really, I knew it would have been in better hands with the vet but.. it was my only friend at the time, I didn’t want to let it go.”

 

“Wow, never pinned you as the sappy type.” Daehwi jokes, nudging Jinyoung with his elbow.

 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes lightheartedly, then pauses for a few moments before continuing. “I used to be scared to go into the forest behind our school.” His tone is nostalgic, which Jihoon finds to be slightly amusing considering how young he still is, “But the bird liked to fly there, around the trees near the little lake in the middle of it. At first I didn’t want to follow it into the forest, but for some weird reason I felt like I could trust that it wouldn't lead me to somewhere I’d get hurt. So I went in after it, and I’d sit on this rock near the small bed of water and it would be peaceful. It sounds kind of ridiculous but I think that bird helped me grow, even just a little.”

 

Jinyoung seems to be waiting for the jab, the mocking—but it doesn’t come. Daehwi just nods in understanding and the older looks thankful for it. “So how did it end?”

 

“I think it flew off..”

 

Daehwi raises a brow, “You _think_?”

 

Jinyoung shrugs, opening his mouth like he’s trying to find the right words to explain it, “I.. I don’t know. I know it’s gone but I feel like it’s influence has stayed with me all this time, you know, whenever I feel like doing something I wouldn’t normally do. When I want to try something new I still feel that little push of encouragement, the same feeling I had with the bird.”

 

“You know, I think you’d make a good doctor.” Daehwi suggests after a few beats of silence, though it’s immediately shut down by Jinyoung’s sound of disproval.

 

“Sounds way too hard of a path to take.” Jinyoung shakes his head fervently. If there’s anything Jihoon has picked up from watching Jinyoung over the past few memories, it’s that he’s constantly clouded by negativity. Good intentions make the person but good actions make the difference, and as good of a person Jinyoung seems to be, his pessimism would only continue to hinder him for the rest of his life. Jihoon doesn’t like to think that’s going to be the case, but if Jinyoung had applied for their services before the worst had even come, then it’s obvious he wasn’t satisfied with where his life had come to. And even more than that, he hates the feeling that Daehwi might be part of the reason.

 

“I think you could do anything you put your mind to.” The younger offers sincerely, “You helped nurse that bird back to health, and you must have done a good job if it was able to fly off eventually. You said you could still feel the bird’s influence, why don’t you let that help you decide? Maybe you could be a vet.”

 

Jinyoung gives him a smile but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, “I don’t know, I’ve never really thought about it. When I found it I didn’t have this urge to act like a doctor and fix it, I just wanted to help it, you know.”

 

Daehwi purses his lips, “Well there are plenty of other ways you can help people, I’m sure you’ll find something right for you.”

 

“It’s not that simple,” Jinyoung breathes out, “to just say you want to be something and then become it.”

 

“If you let it be then maybe it could.”

 

Jinyoung looks up to meet Daehwi’s eyes and for a second Jihoon thinks that Jinyoung’s starting to waver. But soon enough the boy is sighing heavily, eyes falling down to his fiddling fingers, “Do you think I could ever amount to something?”

 

Daehwi eyes soften, patting Jinyoung’s hand, “I think you’re meant to do amazing things.” The younger looks contemplative of something, and then after a few moments he reaches into his pocket and looks at Jinyoung tentatively, before holding out a closed fist. “Here, open your hand.”

 

Jinyoung narrows his eyes suspiciously, “Why?”

 

“Just open your hand.” Daehwi presses on, voice wavering slightly. Jinyoung doesn’t question him any further and opens his hand, where Daehwi places a familiar looking object.

 

Jinyoung brings it closer to get a better look, “Is this a bracelet?”

 

“I made it.” Daehwi says quietly, “You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to. My little cousin came over and wanted me to help her make friendship bracelets and I thought it would be fun to make us some.” The younger lets another bracelet dangle from his hands, one with his initial hanging from it.

 

He looks over Jinyoung’s expression for any sign of acceptance or rejection. Soon, Jinyoung is breaking out into a smile, wrapping the bracelet around his wrist, “Cool, it’s my favorite color too.”

 

Daehwi breathes a sigh of relief, the corners of his mouth quirking up. “It’s a good thing my cousin didn’t care for the dark colors, I had plenty of blue for you.”

 

“Let me help you with yours.” Jinyoung reaches out to take Daehwi’s bracelet and puts it on for him. “You can’t lose that, okay? Our friendship is over if you do.”

 

“Never!” Daehwi agrees, flashing a cordial grin before looking fondly at the bracelet, and the memory ends there. Dysphoria coils in his gut every time they come across a happy memory, much like the feelings he gets when he watches a movie a second time, knowing all too well that they’re headed for disaster. The hardest part of this job is seeing these kind of moments in their patient’s lives—as kids with potential, kids with careers and love ahead of them, kids who live without knowing how much life there is left for them.

 

But he figures that’s a gamble everybody makes.

 

Woojin pokes at Jihoon’s arm, pulling him out of his thoughts. “The clock inside his room looks like our way out of here.”

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

**_??????_ **

**_Patient: !B?∫e Ji∂øuπœ?_ **

**_Condition: #? &∆å†µç_ **

****

****

****

The next step he takes is into a realm of shadows.

 

Jihoon stumbles around blindly; at first he thinks it’s the extended repercussion of the lengthy time jump that's making his vision darker for longer than it usually is, but seconds pass and there’s still nothing in sight. He feels drowsy, loitering around in the darkness until cracks of white peak through the pitch black. As he walks further, he hears disembodied voices, muffled yelling and shouting but he can’t make much sense of them. All around him is nothingness, and behind him, he sees Woojin emerging from the darkness into the cloudy area of dim light. “Woojin, what’s happening? Where are we?”

 

“I think it’s a broken memory...” Woojin suggests, “A memory he might be repressing, that’s why we can only hear voices and see fragments of it.”

 

Jihoon runs a hand down his face in distress, looking around the ruptured space, “Do you think we can still send the signal without this memory?”

 

“Not sure,” Woojin admits, “We’ve never done it before, but we could try.”

 

Jihoon nods hesitantly, “Alright, but how do we get out of here?”

 

“I found a sphere back there, and it shattered by itself. Seems like mementos for broken memories are already prepared for us.” Woojin tells him, leading him towards the prepared memento. Jihoon examines the familiar floating red journal, “This thing again?” He flips through the pages, which are now filled with blank pages instead of the ink filled ones they had seen back when they had seen nine-year old Jinyoung.

 

“Guess it must be pretty important if it’s a memory link everywhere we go.” Woojin mutters, taking the journal from Jihoon’s hands in flipping through it himself.

 

Jihoon stiffens when he feels a weird rush of cold air pass across his skin, an ominous ambience so palpable that it suffocates him. It’s almost as if there’s another presence in the memory with them, something just as comprehensive about the situation as they are, something that shouldn't be there. “Do you feel that?”

 

“Feel what?”

 

“Like there’s someone else here, watching us.” He says slowly, cautiously. He draws closer to Woojin, eyes darting around the blank space around them.

 

“How is that possible? We’re the only ones who could be in here.” Woojin gives back simply, not even sparing him a glance. Usually when there’s an obvious sense of agitation in someone’s voice coupled with a worrying statement, the most natural response would be to give them at least _some_ kind of acknowledgment but apparently, Woojin isn’t just unreasonably calm, he’s also unreasonably apathetic. “You’re probably just confused because of the muffled voices from the actual memory.”

 

“Woojin I swear, there’s something off about this place.” Jihoon maintains, growing increasingly frustrated. He thinks he feels a vague pull from his right side, though it’s not like he has much sense of direction in a place as vast and vacant as this. “Would you listen to me? It’s not like this isn’t the only weird thing to happen to us today.”

 

“We don’t have time for your paranoia Jihoon, I’m telling you it’s nothing.” Woojin insists, tone impatient. “Now let’s get to the next memory before this place decides to trap us in here or something.”

 

Jihoon tries to shake the trepidation rising in him, turning back to the journal and activating it, wanting nothing more than to be rid of the eerie feeling crawling up his spine. A few moments later, the fragmented memory disappears into white.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ✎.... 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

 ✎....

 

 

 

**_8 November, 2017_ **

**_Patient: Bae Jinyoung_ **

**_Condition: Stable_ **

 

 

Jihoon remembers as clear as day the torment that came with this time of his own life. Sure, in retrospect, high school might have been easier to handle in comparison to the rest of his life after it, but at the time, as someone that young it was the newest thing he had experienced, and new things were always hard. And really, it wasn’t even the drama or the classes that made high school so dreadful for Jihoon. He had plenty of friends, enough to rid him of the outcast label, and no one really bullied him over the years. None of those were the things that made high school unbearable. It was the fact that even though he was getting good grades and passed the theater auditions and joined student council, he still felt inexplicably _empty_.

 

As a teenager his future had always seemed like something he could never reach, something that would never come to him because he didn’t know how to get to it, didn’t even know where to start. And that’s why he fully understands the desolate look on Jinyoung’s face, because he knows exactly what it’s like to feel lost.

 

A teenage Jinyoung is seated at his desk, Daehwi seated at the side of the table eating while the other was typing away at his laptop. “Jinyoung, would you stop worrying about your application for a few minutes and eat something?” Daehwi taps on the table just next to Jinyoung’s laptop to get the older’s attention, “You still have like two months to finish it, don’t worry about it too much.”

 

Jinyoung sighs heavily, resting his cheek against his palm, repeatedly jabbing an index finger at the delete button on his laptop vigorously, “Easy for you to say, you have your whole future planned out already. I don’t even know _why_ I’m applying for university yet.”

 

“I’ve already told you that you don’t have to.” Daehwi reminds him, closing the older’s laptop for him and holding out a spoonful of rice for Jinyoung to eat. The older doesn’t refuse the food, though he still reaches out to re-open his laptop, until Daehwi smacks his hand with a spoon. “Take a year off! It’s not like you have to get everything done so early in life. You have so much time to think about what you want to do, don’t force it.”

 

“I just don’t want to disappoint my dad.” Jinyoung admits sullenly, “He has so much expectations for me, especially since he’s doing so well, having to raise me on his own. And as much as I want to live up his perseverance and make him happy, I just.. don't know what I want to do with my life. Everyone is so sure about what they want to do and where they want to go but I feel like I’m just floating in this ambiguous space that I’ll never get out of.”

 

“It’s okay to not be sure.” Daehwi takes Jinyoung’s hand in his, running his thumb over the back of his hand. “We’re still young, we have the rest of our lives ahead of us to figure things out. If it’s not going to make you happy, then why force yourself through it? I know you want to be a good son, but an important part of making your parents happy is being yourself. I’m sure he’ll understand, and I’m sure your mom would have been proud of you regardless.”

 

Jinyoung chews on his bottom lip, clearly too wrapped up in his thoughts to respond.

 

“Kind of hits a nerve…” Jihoon mumbles as he watches the two of them.

 

Woojin looks at him curiously, “Did you not know what you wanted to do after high school?”

 

Jihoon shakes his head, “Nope. I was lost for a long time until I found out about Sigmund. I just hope Jinyoung was able to figure it out eventually..” The reminder that Jinyoung doesn’t even have much time left to live hits an even bigger nerve, one that he doesn’t personally relate with but still hurts nonetheless. Sometimes you really _don’t_ have your whole life ahead of you to figure things out.

 

Daehwi presses his lips together, pondering thoughtfully. He opens his mouth to say something but stops when they both hear the front door to their apartment open and shut closed. “Jinyoung, come out here for a second!”

 

Jinyoung shuts his eyes closed, fist curling up. “Fuck, this isn’t gonna go well.”

 

“Why, what’s wrong?”

 

The older sucks in a sharp breath, “He just came from a meeting with my math teacher. About the test I failed on Monday.” Daehwi frowns, concern crossing his features at Jinyoung’s anxiousness. “And probably about the quizzes I nearly failed before that.” Jinyoung stands up from his desk, heavy steps taking him out of his room. He shuts the door behind him, and the two of the opt to stay just near the door in the hallway, listening to the conversation in the kitchen.

 

“A _D_ , Jinyoung?” They watch from afar as Jinyoung’s dad throws his briefcase down onto the ground, a hand coming up to rake fingers through his short hair. “Are you going to explain why you didn’t even bother _trying_ for this test?! A _D_!” Jinyoung stays quiet with his head hanging low, hands held together behind his back. “And your math teacher tells me you’ve been getting almost straight C’s this semester? Jinyoung, what is up with you?”

 

“I’m sorry.” Jinyoung settles for an apology after a few bouts of silence, but that doesn’t sit well with his dad, who slams his fist down onto the counter.

 

“You’re _sorry_? If you were sorry you would have done better after the _first_ C.” The old man runs his hands down his face, exhaling harshly. “If you don’t get your grades up young man then I’ll have no choice but to take any outside and technology privileges away until you graduate, and that _includes_ seeing Daehwi.”

 

Jinyoung’s head snaps up at that, mouth gaping, “Dad! You can’t—you can’t ban me from seeing my best friend!”

 

“I can and I _will_.” He says firmly with a condescending finger. “So if I don’t start to see improvements in the next month then you can _forget_ about having a social life. And if Daehwi’s in your room right now then you can tell him _yourself_ , he won’t be having dinner here tonight.”

 

“But _Dad_!”

 

“My decision is final.” The old man grits out, walking away and towards the fridge. “Now go tell Daehwi he needs to go home.”

 

Jinyoung flares up, kicking at the bar stool before stomping back to his room and slamming the door shut. A red orb floats up from the stool and into Woojin’s hands, and the two of them follow Jinyoung back inside the room, where Daehwi is looking at him with worry and fear. Jinyoung moves to sit on the hardwood floor of his bedroom, back up against his edge of his bed and head falling onto the mattress above him. His fingers are looped idly around a rubber band, the downcast look on his face turning the air somber with it, a kind of stiffness that makes even Jihoon and Woojin uncomfortable.

 

“If you catch him at a better time I’m sure he’d be willing to listening to your reasoning, at least.” Daehwi breaks the long and torturous silence, though there’s an obvious falter in his usual chipper attitude. “Your dad is a nice person, you just have to promise to do better—”

 

“I can’t!” Jinyoung bursts out, letting go of the rubber band he’d been pulling at as it snaps against his wrist. Jihoon watches the young boy wince, but he ignores the pain. “I can’t promise to do better because I _can’t_ do better.”

 

Daehwi frowns, brows knitting together. “Yes, you _can_. I know you, Jinyoung. You can do well you just don’t _want_ to. You don't want to try because you’ve already convinced yourself that you’re just gonna fail at everything you do, so why try anyways? But you’re smart, Jinyoung. I know you can do better but you need to start making an effort.” The younger sighs, head falling into his hands. “I know it’s hard, and it’s a lot of pressure. But you can’t throw your life away because your mind is feeding you negative thoughts. You can’t give into that, you have to overcome it. And if you don't, then,” Daehwi pauses, chewing on his bottom lip, “You lose me.”

 

Jinyoung’s eyes flicker up to Daehwi, but he keeps his head lowered. “You heard.”

 

Daehwi snorts mirthlessly, “Of course I did, I’m pretty sure the entire apartment heard you.”

 

Pulling his knees up and into him, Jinyoung hugs his legs, resting his chin on his knees. “I don’t wanna lose you.”

 

Daehwi gives him a constrained smile, and with light steps towards the crouched over boy, he sits down in front of him and reaching out to place his hands on Jinyoung’s arms, in an attempt to stop him from shaking, “Then don’t.”

 

Jihoon grabs the last orb, that appears from Jinyoung’s rubber band after the memory ends. “That was a hard scene to watch.” He says with a heavy heart, passing Woojin the orb.

 

“Yeah well, it only gets worse from here..” Woojin breathes out, placing a hand on the small of his back and turning him away from the scene. “”Let’s go.”

 

 

-

 

 

 

**_5 August, 2028_ **

**_Patient: Bae Jinyoung_ **

**_Condition: Stable_ **

 

 

 

 

Jihoon thinks he might get whiplash, from both the time-travelling and the stark contrast between each scene they jump to. Of course, he doesn’t really mind the change in mood, especially after the last memory they were in had been so serious.   

 

“Nope, nu-uh, _I_ will cook lunch today.” Jinyoung pulls the cookbook out of Daehwi’s grasp, nudging him with his hip away from the stove.

 

Daehwi looks mildly offended, but there’s a fun twinkling in his eyes, “What? You don’t like my cooking?”

 

“I’m sure it would be great if you didn’t manage to burn everything.” Jinyoung teases, shooing him away with his hands but Daehwi stays putting, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

Jihoon hears laughing beside him, and when he turns he sees Woojin’s amused face, “Ha, he’s just like you.”

 

Jihoon smacks him on the shoulder, “I do not burn my food.”

 

Woojin’s eyebrows raise in fake comprehension. “Ah, I see. You just like to _embellish_ your food with black spots.”

 

Before they can start wrestling in the middle of the kitchen, Daehwi’s voice cuts in, “Fine, but I’ll stay and assist you.”

 

Jinyoung narrows his eyes, a dubious look on his face. “Mm, not sure that’s a great idea.”

 

Daehwi scoffs, one hand on his hi and the other on the counter, “And why not?”

 

“Because the last time you tried to help, we ended up with crusty rice.” Jinyoung says, giving him a pointed look and opening a bottom cabinet to get out the frying pan.

 

“Uh, but it was still edible!”

 

Jinyoung snorts, grabbing an onion from the cabinet. “Barely.” Daehwi continues to pout, for so long that Jihoon feels like a kid on the edge of his seat, like he’s waiting for someone to say yes to a proposal. Jinyoung sighs, giving in at the adorable younger. “Alright, _alright_ , you can help.”

 

Daehwi claps excitedly, running towards the other end of the kitchen, where there’s a hook with two aprons hanging from it. “Don’t forget the aprons!”

 

Jinyoung smiles when Daehwi comes back with the aprons, “We don’t always need to wear aprons when we cook.”

 

Daehwi lifts a finger, wagging it, “Uh-uh, rule number one in this house, we _always_ wear aprons to cook.”

 

“Is this for the well-being of our clothes or solely for the purpose of fulfilling your domestic newly-engaged dreams?” Jinyoung muses, but naturally lifts his arms when Daehwi reaches to wrap the apron around his waist.

 

“The second one.” Daehwi answers without shame, wrapping the apron around Jinyoung’s neck and tying it from the front so he can look up at Jinyoung with his signature kryptonite smile, as Jihoon likes to call it. When he’s done he hands Jinyoung his apron, and the older ties it for him as well.

 

“Alright, Mr. Rom-Com Protagonist.” Jinyoung jokes, flicking Daehwi lightly on the forehead. “Are we good to cook?”

 

Daehwi raises two thumbs up, “We’re good!”

 

Jihoon catches the green orb when the scene ends, looking around for Woojin and finding him peering out of the kitchen window towards the back of the house. “Hey, there’s a scene out by the lighthouse.”

 

“Cool, that’s the second and last one from this memory.” They head out towards the lighthouse, spotting Daehwi and Jinyoung sitting on the grass, up against the tall white structure. Daehwi has a small notebook and pen in his hands, eyebrows knit together in concentration.

 

“Seongwoo, Guanlin, Somi.” Daehwi lists out names, writing them down as he speaks.

 

“Jaehwan, he’ll also be singing so put that down.” Jinyoung adds, hands clasped together, index fingers tapping against each other. “Who else?”

 

Daehwi turns to Jinyoung, tapping his pen against his notebook as he looks contemplative about whether or not to say his next words. He sucks in a cheek, humming thoughtfully, “What about your dad?”

 

Jinyoung’s fingers stop their tapping, the light in his eyes dimming. His voice drops into a low, quiet tone. “You know we’re not on speaking terms.”

 

“I know, but,” Daehwi pauses, trying to find the words to say, “It’s been almost five years since you’ve stopped talking. That is way too long without the effort of either of you to reach out and that’s not okay. Does he even know we’re engaged?”

 

“Yes.” Jinyoung answers, then follows up with a less certain, “ _Probably_. I mean he’d be bound to find out about it on Facebook.”

 

“Jinyoung!” Daehwi scowls, squinting his eyes at him and slamming his notebook closed. “I can’t believe you didn’t even bother to tell your dad that we’re getting _married_ next year!”

 

Jinyoung shrugs half-heartedly, “That’s still a year left.”  

 

Daehwi shuts his eyes tightly, puffing out shaky breaths. “You can’t shut him out forever. One day you’re gonna be sorry that you didn’t invite him to your own wedding.”

 

“Fortunately, I don’t think that day will come.” Jinyoung grunts, pushing himself up from the ground and dusting his pants off.

 

“Why do you keep pushing him away?” Daehwi questions, a growing frustration in his voice. Jihoon can almost taste the tension in the air, strained and suffocating, like this fragile world inside of Jinyoung’s head is slowly starting to crack and he’s almost certain he’ll be going down with it. To make matters worse, when he looks down at the device wrapped around his right wrist, the heart rate monitor that was normal and green a few seconds ago starts to glitch yellow.

 

“Woojin.” Jihoon whispers, like they’d actually be interrupting the other conversation. Woojin turns to him, confusion on his face at his own worried expression. He gestures to the monitor on his wrist, but doesn’t know whether to find it relieving or alarming when Woojin’s eyes start bulging at the yellow too, indicating that it wasn’t just a figment of his imagination or a weird side-effect from the sporadic time jumping.

 

“Are we running out of time already?” A panic rises in Woojin’s voice, that sends Jihoon into a flurry of fear as well. They weren’t even close to connecting all of Jinyoung’s memories, if things were starting to get worse for Jinyoung’s health, then there’s a good chance they won’t be able to finish the job and fulfill Jinyoung’s wish.

 

(And despite telling himself every single time before a session to detach himself from the clients and their stories, Daehwi and Jinyoung have been making it extremely difficult to follow through. Failing to fulfill Jinyoung’s wish isn’t an option, not to Jihoon, not anymore.)

 

“But wouldn’t it stay yellow if his condition really was deteriorating?” He questions skeptically, holding onto a thread of hope to buy them more time. “It’s glitching, that doesn’t happen, Woojin. Things are getting weirder with every memory we jump to and I don’t like to admit when I’m scared but I’m kind of freaking out right now!” He yells in a hushed voice. Woojin reaches out to place his hands on his shoulders, licking his lips nervously.

 

“Okay, Jihoon, calm down. If the glitching is just that, then I’m sure he’s still hanging on, which still gives us time to make it to the middle of this ridiculous spiral.” Woojin says in a way that’s meant to be calming but it does quite the opposite, “We’ll get out of here the second we send the signal and figure out what’s going on, so until then, just hang on, yeah?”

 

It doesn’t do much to stabilize his racing heart, but it’s not like his distress would do anything in their favor right now, so he lets out an uncertain _alright_ and they turn back to the couple. “I’m not the one who pushed him away.” Jinyoung says with a bite, but his voice is noticeably shaky. “He gave up on me.”

 

“But I’m sure he’d be willing to put your differences aside even if it’s for one—”

 

“Daehwi, please.” Jinyoung sounds a lot more worn out than before, a hand coming to rub at his forehead, “I’d rather not have him show up just to tell me that I won’t be able to provide for you or a family because I strayed off academically. I want this to be a good day, and it can only be a good day if he’s not there.”

 

The memory ends there, along with a yellow orb and a glitching monitor.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

**_1 June, 2018_ **

**_Patient: Bae Jinyoung_ **

**_Condition: Stable_ **

 

 

 

“You’re seriously gonna make us hike all the way up there?” Jinyoung laments, gazing up at the mass of stairs, “Just the walking alone is gonna take up the rest of our lunch break and like half of our spare.”

 

“It’s fine! Let’s go!” Daehwi makes his way up the stairs, up and up until Jinyoung is huffing and gasping for breath. Jihoon is glad to see Daehwi in the memory, after remembering the threat Jinyoung's dad had posed after his dropping grades. At least Jinyoung was doing well in school now, he doesn't think he could take the angst of watching Jinyoung get by the rest of his senior year without Daehwi, can't even imagine it. 

 

“Do we… have to.. keep going..?”

 

“Yeah, the view is amazing up there!” Daehwi chirps, not looking at all affected by the arduous walk up.

 

“Why are the best places always so hard to get to?” Jinyoung laments, still bent over with his hands on his thighs, “What’s the point if I just tire myself out while getting there?”

 

Daehwi puts his hands on his hips, shifting his weight onto his left leg, “Oh look I’m Jinyoung and I complain _all day_ and don’t know what real adventures are!” The shorter mocks, making exaggerated gestures and everything. Jinyoung just glares at him and Daehwi holds his hands up in a shrug. “You can stay here if you want, but I’m going places.”

 

And with that the young boy continues up the stairs, skipping lightly. Jinyoung groans loudly but follows behind the boy, arms swaying heavily against his sides. A while after they finally reach a grassy area, filled with trees and a rich mix of yellow and red flowers. Daehwi takes Jinyoung just a few meters away from the cliff, sitting himself against the furthest tree. He pats the grass just next to him and Jinyoung takes his seat beside him, falling onto his back with heavy breaths.

 

The younger scoffs, “Oh, don’t be so dramatic. You’re alive, aren’t you?”

 

“Barely.” Jinyoung huffs out, shutting his eyes tight when the sun hits him. “How’d you find this place anyways? How often do you come up here?”

 

Daehwi shrugs, “When I’m feeling down or want to run away from things I come up here and it’s peaceful.” The younger leans his head onto the tree, looking up at the sky. When the light shifts, Jihoon makes out the difference of Daehwi’s eyes, one being slightly smaller than the other. Daehwi squints with one eye, and Jihoon watches in admiration at the contrast of the vibes he gives off when both eyes are open compared to only his left eye. It’s charming; he wonders if Jinyoung thinks this as well. “It’s sort of like a safe haven, I guess, where I can get my head on straight.”

 

“Your safe haven is near the edge of a cliff?” Jinyoung chuckles when Daehwi thumps him on the leg.

 

“Okay if you ignore _that_ aspect, it’s nice, isn’t it?”

 

Jinyoung sits up and looks around thoughtfully, pulling his legs closer into him, “Yeah, it is. If you also ignore how much of a struggle it is to get here.”

 

“Ugh, you are impossible, Bae Jinyoung.” They fall into a comfortable silence, with Jinyoung lying on his stomach, hands cupping at his cheeks at he constantly switches his focus between the sky and Daehwi. The younger breaks the silence first, head tilting to lean on his right shoulder. “Don’t you feel a little weird, too?”

 

Jinyoung arches a brow, “About what?”

 

“Graduating.” Daehwi clarifies, a distant look in his eyes, “It’s so surreal, like those four years had just flown by with a single snap of a finger. It’s kind of exciting.”

 

“I wouldn’t exactly say exciting.” Jinyoung mumbles, “Terrifying? Yeah.”

 

“Oh, come on. The future isn’t that scary.”

 

“It might not be for you, but for someone as lost as me?” Jinyoung sucks in a breath, body coiling like a spring a second away from breaking.“Kinda feels like I’m about to step off of that cliff over there, into a whole bunch of nothing.” 

 

“You wouldn’t hit nothing, you’d hit the ground.” Daehwi corrects him, Jinyoung doesn’t really understand why.

 

“Uh yeah, but I wouldn’t be able to get back up.”

 

Daehwi purses his lips, “Well what if I was down there with a safety air mat?”

 

“How would you know I was gonna fall?” Jinyoung challenges, though his voice falters, maybe because he doesn’t expect for Daehwi to turn one of his redundant pessimistic remarks back on him.

 

“You just told me.” The younger throws back, looking satisfied when Jinyoung backs down.

 

The older grumbles, uncoiling slightly. “Whatever, still a long fall.”

 

“You need to stop being so negative.” Daehwi jabs at the older, then reaches over to take his ukulele out of its bag. “Anyways, I also come up here when I need song inspiration, it’s been a big help so far.”

 

Jinyoung lights up at the sight of the instrument, negative thoughts pushed aside as he’s scooting closer to Daehwi. “Ooh, play me an original!”

 

There’s a certain extent of vulnerability Jihoon sees in Daehwi when he starts to play, from the way scrunches into himself, eyes darting back and forth from the ukulele to Jinyoung every now and then. Daehwi’s voice is sweet, like a splash of honey, so refreshing that even Jihoon finds himself getting swept up in the song. And the more Jihoon listens the more he realizes that it isn’t just a song, it’s a song about _someone_ , from the way each word Daehwi sings bleeds sincerity, emotions laid out on the line. And maybe Jinyoung is just as conscious of the lyrics because he’s looking at Daehwi, scrutinizing, with an obvious crimson on his cheeks and burning ears.

 

When Daehwi finishes Jinyoung cheers loudly, with his fists in the air and a voice that could be heard from the bottom of the stairs. “That was really good.” Daehwi beams at the compliment, heaving a sigh of relief. “But who did you write it for?”

 

Daehwi’s satisfied smile slowly twists into a forced grin, the younger boy clearly flustered at the question. “N-no one in particular.”

 

Jinyoung raises a brow at the stuttering, growing suspicious. “You tripped over that sentence I don’t believe you.”

 

“I swear!” Daehwi shoots back defensively, putting the ukulele down. “I just wrote it to write it.”

 

“I can tell when you’re lying, you know.” Jinyoung continues to press the subject, but Daehwi refuses to answer. “Daehwi if you don’t answer I’m gonna be forced to tickle it out of you.”

 

Daehwi gasps, scooting away from the other and holding his arms protectively over his chest. “You wouldn’t.”

 

But he does, lunging forward to poke at Daehwi’s sides until he’s gasping for air between laughs, arms failing everywhere. When he can’t take it he ends up falling onto his back, pulling Jinyoung down with him. They lie there for a few moments, just laughing together until it comes to a halt and Daehwi just looks up at Jinyoung fondly. “You’re a huge idiot, you know that?”

 

Jinyoung makes a noise, lifting a brow, “Why?”

 

“The song is about paper planes, who else would I be referring to?”

 

Jinyoung’s shocked face slowly morphs into satisfaction, a smug grin tugging at his lips. “I knew it was about me. Who else is beautiful, brooding, poetic—“

 

Daehwi rolls his eyes lightheartedly, pink tinting his cheeks, “Those last two weren’t even in the lyrics.”

 

“But they were _implied_.” Jinyoung says haughtily, holding his head up high.

 

“Would you shut up?”

 

“Fine, but only if you do too.”

 

“Wh—” Jinyoung cuts Daehwi off by pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Daehwi’s eyes flutter open after the brief peck, breathless, “Um, I think _that_ was the point of coming all the way up here.”

 

“Well I guess there’s you to thank for that.” Jinyoung grins cheekily at Daehwi’s fit of giggles, and to Jihoon’s left his finds another giggling boy, hitting at his arm.

 

“They’re so disgustingly cute!” Woojin coos, to which Jihoon can't help but smile at as well.

 

“Very.” Jihoon agrees, trying to push the mourning to the back of his mind for now, to watch the two teenagers in love, at a better point in time. In a weird way, it makes him miss love. Not that he’d ever truly known it, at least to his standards. He’d come pretty damn close a few times, but not to the point of wishing a whole life with them. To want to give someone your all—your firsts, your happiness, your sorrow, a love that was enough to last a lifetime, how wonderful would this kind of love be?

 

 

 

And how horrible did it feel to lose it?

 

 

 

  ✎....


End file.
